Blog #13

This is my final blog post on this topic.  I hope I've shared enough of my knowledge as possible to help all of you readers understand a little bit more about the importance of friendships in college, and that everyone took at least one thing from my blog.  Even I learned new things.  I learned that something as easy as a smile or a handshake can be the beginning of something great!  I also solidified my previous thoughts that sometimes two people just aren't meant to be friends.  I hope my blog was interesting and informative, and I want everyone to know that, even though I didn't post about it every week, I did in fact keep to my little experiment about meeting one new person each week.  I met all kinds of people, this semester, some that I can see me going through much more of my college experiences with and some not so much.

Friends are everywhere, sometimes in the least expecting of places and others who might have been right there all along, but before you never would have considered to be compatible with you.  Keep an open mind and you will go far :)  Through all the good and bad experiences my experiment has given me, I wouldn't take any of them back.  Live with few fears and no regrets, and remember that you don't always have to search for what you want, sometimes it's right in front of your face, you just need to have the confidence to get it.  I hope everyone is having as great of a college experience as I am so far, and even for those of you who are following this and aren't in college anymore, I hope everything I said has been useful to everyone :)

Blog #12

So along this path of meeting new people and trying to build friendships, sadly enough, I have encountered some duds...  There are some people I have tried and tried again to have a conversation with or smile at and it just hasn't worked.  I guess it happens.  There is one particular person I have in mind as I'm writing this and I don't have to make up a name for them because I don't even know it.  As you may already know, I dorm here at Long Beach State and this person lives in my same building.  She also has a couple of classes with me.  That alone, I thought, would be enough incentive to want to get acquainted.

In my efforts in trying to make nice with this person, I have received multiple blank and unpleasant looks.  I have been known to let people know my opinions about them through my facial expressions, but they don't typically come out of no where.  This person has never tried to get to know me or even so much as acknowledge my presence and I'm not positive why.

I guess there's just some people who like what they like and have a specific kind of person they would want to be friends with and I just don't match that profile.  After a few failed attempts I took the situation for what it was and have not bothered since.  This is one example of the difficulties one may face in trying to make friends, but at the same time, shouldn't discourage you.  This just proves all the different types of people there are out there in the world and now you have examples of the types of people you do and don't want in your life :)

Blog #11

So this weekend I made up for any week I haven't met my one new person when I went to San Diego with the Ultimate Frisbee team.  Both the women's and men's team went so I got to meet and get closer with a lot of the people I hadn't really talked to before.  We carpooled over there and were then housed by a couple who used to play the sport too back in the day.  We never ended up playing in our tournament because of the rain and mud, but it was a day and a half well spent with the team :)  We hung out, went out to eat, saw a movie, and played fun road trip games in the car.

There's a sense of respect that you automatically give people you don't know.  You talk to and act very differently around them than you would if you were closer.  This weekend I broke that barrier between acquaintances and actual friendship, just by opening up a little bit and playing a word game in the car, or an ice breaker out on the field with the other teams.  We didn't get to do what we initially went there for, but I don't regret the way it ended up.  Our team's name is No Regrets and I think that is what this period in our lives is all about :)

These are group pictures taken at our last mini tournament at UCLA a few weeks ago that I went to but couldn't play in:

Blog #10

I was looking on the web for more links I could post on this blog, and I came across the article, "Friends are Crucial to a Successful College Experience" by David Morisette.  http://www.cw.ua.edu/2010/08/19/friends-are-crucial-to-a-successful-college-experience-3/  He explains that human beings need relationships to survive and why friendships are so important to us during this transition period in our lives.  There is one part where Morisette states that, "If you feel that you cannot be everything you are with your current clique, then it is high time to find a new one."  This is something that a lot of younger people have a problem grasping.  You might've made a bunch of friends in that period of time when you were desperate to fit in, or maybe you had a friend who was friends with other people, causing you to grow close with them as well.  This happens sometimes and people eventually grow up and learn that maybe they didn't make the right choice in befriending a particular person.

This realization came for me sporadically during my high school career and took complete control during my senior year.  I had friends who I had been close to for years and years, but as I grew up I realized that, maybe they weren't putting in the same amount of effort as I was for the friendship, or just that they didn't have my best interests in mind when they made choices involving me.  Whatever the reason, I had to make a choice.  I was about to graduate and move away for college and it was a decision I had to make of who I was going to keep in my life and who I was not.  This automatically happens with us for more acquaintance type friends, but not many people have the courage to do this with their current best friends.  It might take a lot for you to finally put your foot down and say, "We've been through a lot together, and it seemed like you were there for me at one point in time, but now I'm realizing that you just aren't, and I don't need that in my life."

This is another reason why starting new relationships in college is so important; it's your second chance.  After high school, you have a pretty good idea of the types of people you do and don't want in your life now, and you can use all of those past experiences to start over and get what you truly want in life.  I got a fortune cookie a few months back that read: "You don't get in life what you want; you get in life what you are."  It is one of my favorite quotes because it explains to us that every decision we make reflects who we are, so we cannot blame anyone else for anything that happens and we are constantly having to work to get "what we are," shown :)

Blog #9

http://www.dennydavis.net/poemfiles/frpoem.htm

Friends

(B. J. Morbitzer)

Life is sweet,
just because of the friends we have made,
And the things which in common we share;

We want to live on, not because of ourselves,
But because of the people who care.

It's giving and doing for somebody else -
On that, all life's splendor depends...
And the joy of this world,              
when you've summed it all up,
Is found in the making of friends.

It's amazing how much more pleasant life is when you have people to share it with.  From little things like sitting in class or eating dinner together, or even bigger things like having a family.  People being there with you is always a plus.   I've already listed a variety of ways to meet new people such as smiling or saying hello or asking them to eat dinner with you, but clubs and sports are also another great option!

I'm not one of those people who likes doing nothing.  I would always much rather be over at a friends house or outside playing with my baby brother than sitting in my room on the computer or watching TV all day.  When I was in High school I did Band and Track and Field so I was used to always being busy.  When I wasn't at some sort of practice, I was at home doing homework or playing with my brother.  Of course I love to relax and there are those moments where everyone needs their alone time, but overall I feel like I get bored very easily and would rather be out and about than sitting around.  

Now that I'm in college, surprisingly enough, I find myself with quite a bit of down time... Not that much homework, only two or three classes a day, nothing to do.  So I decided to check out the different sports teams here on campus.  I ended up joining the Ultimate Frisbee team and I  am so glad I did.  Not only has it been a fun experience being able to try something new like that, but I've made tons of friends along the way!  There's one thing I have definitely noticed about sport and club members is that they all eventually start to consider each other "family".  I know that that may seem weird to some people, but it's true and I think it's really nice to have that group of people that you can count on.  Being part of a team makes people get closer to each other faster because you are forced to be dependent on these random people and trust them and spend so much time together that it's hard NOT to make friends doing it!  If you were ever unsure of a way to meet new people fast, a club or sport is definitely one way to go about it :)

Blog #8

So a part of my blog is to show how the difficulty in making friends changes throughout the year.  One thing I have definitely noticed is that people care a whole lot less about being nice and making friends.  The first month of school, even the first two months of school, people were so incredibly friendly around campus and now you don't get that quite as often...  Along with my trying to meet one new person every week, I also do something even simpler than that by smiling at as many people as I can as I walk through the campus.  I know that it makes me a little bit happier in the mornings or after a long day of classes to see someone smiling at me, so I try to do that for others as well.  In the beginning of the semester EVERYONE would smile back.  Everyone was so happy and nice and friendly and willing to make everyone else feel comfortable.  Lately, as I walk by a person and give them a little smile the number of smiles I get in return has dramatically decreased.  I'm torn between two possible causes for this; either: 1. People aren't as worried about being friendly because they're already set with their own little group and don't need to constantly be thinking about making a good impression on other people, or 2. Things have gotten a lot more stressful as the semester progresses and people, especially those walking around campus at the end of the day, are so tired and off in their own little thinking worlds and not really paying attention to their surroundings.  Either way you choose to think about this, it does give two logical explanations for why it is a little more difficult to make new friends in the middle or end of the year or semester than it is in the very beginning.  This should also give a little hint to those who took meeting new people for granted earlier in the semester and should make them more aware of this the next time around.  I also found a video that gives every one of you guys a little challenge relating to my blog.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfvpHFGwVMc&feature=related  [I know the video itself isn't the best of quality but what she is saying is what's really important anyway :) ]  So this is something everyone can do, anytime, anywhere, and with this many students at CSULB and as many classes as we all have, there should really be no excuse not to be able to do this.

Blog #7

http://www.saynotocrack.com/index.php/2006/10/29/can-you-make-real-friends-online/

The author of this blog post, "Can you make real friends online?" conducted a similar experiment as I have with meeting new people, only with the Social Networking site, Myspace.  She wanted to see if she could make honest to goodness friends out of complete strangers, except on the Internet.  Now this is a little different than my experiment only it ties nicely into my last blog post about calling the people you add on Facebook your "friends."  In the end, Anita Bath was not able to come out of her experiment with any "real friends," but I happen to believe it is possible to at least begin new "real" friendships online.

There was a kid in two of my classes last year named "Joe."  We never talked during school, but it seemed like we saw each other EVERYWHERE!  Eventually he requested me as a friend on Myspace and I accepted it.  We started talking on there through Instant Messaging every now and then and after a while it became a pretty regular, "Hey, how's it going?" type of thing.  Still not talking at school, we continued this Internet friendship throughout the summer and by then we had learned quite a bit about each other.  I found him to be a pretty cool and down to Earth guy, someone I could just talk to, nothing serious, and he said he felt the same.  Whenever we got bored or ran out of things to talk to we did a twenty questions thing and just asked and answered random facts about ourselves and I'm not going to lie, it was fun getting to just know someone's personality.  The most we've ever talked in person is, "Hey!" or a brief comment on the night before's conversation, but at the end of the day, if someone asked me if we were friends I wouldn't hesitate to say, "Yes."

I think this goes right back to my question at the end of my last post, "What truly constitutes a friend?"  Hanging out with someone?  Having ten classes with someone?  Or just simply having similar interests and  being able to trust someone?  I don't want people to think I'm promoting befriending random strangers on the Internet, because I'm not at all.  I'm more just having you all reflect on who you would consider a friend and why.  At a first impression, I never would have thought me and Joe would end up as more than acquaintances, and maybe that goes back to the cliche "don't judge a book by its cover."  Maybe everyone should be a little bit more open-minded and try taking risks and stepping out of their box more.  I think that is what my blog is all about, and if you've been following it, I think you might also agree.

Blog #6

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/30/fashion/30FACEBOOK.html?_r=1

I came accross this article last night and thought it might be the perfect topic for my next blog post.  The article is entitled "Are 5,001 Facebook Friends Too Many?"  There is a huge difference between friends and "facebook friends."  One dictionary definition of the word friend is: "A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard."  It is common for people to have one hundred friends on Facebook and only regularly converse on the website with maybe twenty.  Out of those twenty, one might only talk to about ten off of the internet.  Out of even those ten, you probably only actually hang out with about three or four on a regular basis.  Why?  Why do we have so many "friends" on Facebook, but can't bring ourselves to regularly ask a new person to join us for lunch?  To keep with my first example, if someone has one hundred Facebook friends, at least ten of them probably only got accepted because of the number of "friends" they had in common.  Out of those hundred, a person probably doesn't personally know about fifteen-twenty of them.  What makes us feel so much safer and confident over the internet? What makes a person so much more willing to share their personal information with strangers over the internet, yet get weirded out if they feel like somone is eavesdropping on a conversation they're having with a friend in class?  What truly constitutes a friend these days?  These are just questions to think about and take into consideration next time they both add a friend on Facebook or Myspace and not ask how the person next to them in class is doing.

Blog #5

Is it possible to have more than one best friend? I would say yes, and apparently so would one of the girls I met this week.  I went to lunch with one of my friends and asked two girls sitting together if we could join them and they said that was fine.  One of them seemed very excited to know us and was asking all kinds of questions.  As we ate our meals, the two girls were talking to each other at the other end of the table and I over heard the one asking all the questions saying she was looking for another best friend.  This seemed to shock her friend at first as she says that she thought they were best best friends.  The girl explained that she was one of her best friends as well as a guy who I had not met yet, but they were all different types of best friends.  She continued to explain the difference in their "best friend duties" and said that she wanted to find another person to be there for her and to be close with and who could do anything else that the other two couldn't do.

This interested me enough to write about in my blog because I feel it ties a lot of what I've been saying together.  Here is someone who doesn't necessarily need anymore friends, only would like more.  She wasn't putting her current friends down in any way, she was just looking for another person out there that she could connect with and have by her side.  This post goes hand in hand with my last one in that having options is a good thing.  Everyone should want to get out and have new experiences with new people and break out of their norms.  It isn't always good to be dependent on the same one or two people in order for you to enjoy yourself, and whether or not you agree with saying you have a few best friends, I think everyone should be open-minded to this concept of not being afraid to get closer with new people.

Blog #4

Typically when you hear the word "jealousy," most people associate it with romantic relationships, but this week's post is going to be on how easily it can be applied to basic friendships as well.  An overly jealous person can easily damage any kind of relationship and it is always best to communicate with the other person or persons and find a solution to the problem as soon as possible.

I came to this school with a few people that I knew and talked to but never really hung out with.  Most of my best friends got scattered around attending different schools so I was forced to get closer with the other kids from my old school as well as make new friendships all together (which is another motive behind this blog).  The first few weeks of school I spent most of my time with my two friends from high school.  Always in their room and hanging out after class, basically whenever we had free time we were together because we didn't know many new people yet.  As the days went by, though, I began to break away from that and meet new people from other schools eventually got closer with my roommate and some of her friends.  This was working out nicely for me, that way I had options and wasn't confined to the same two or three people to keep me company and go through my college experience with.

The problem of jealousy came into play when one day I was hanging out with my two high school friends and they asked what I had done earlier that day because they hadn't heard from me, and I answered with something along the lines of, "I was having lunch with a few of my friends, sorry."  My choice of words seemed to bother them and they responded sarcastically with, "Oh her friends! I forgot, you're Miss Social now."  I just laughed it off and we went about our day.  Then a few days later I was unable to hang out again because I was spending time with some people I had met in the dining hall for dinner and they seemed really bothered by this.  The next time I saw them, remark after remark about me blowing them off flew at me and how they don't have anyone else to hang out with if I can't, and I asked why they haven't tried meeting any new people.  One of them stopped and said, "Well I've met some in classes and what not, but I just haven't taken the time to remember anyone's name."  This bothered me that they were upset because I was making friends and meeting people and enjoying my first month of college and they were making no effort what-so-ever to do the same.

This situation is why I chose the quote that I did as my title for this blog.  These two friends of mine were not making any effort to meet new people until they realized that they don't have anyone to hang out with at meals if the other one was missing, they didn't have anyone to do group projects with in their classes, they didn't have anyone else to say hi to while they were walking to class.  I feel like this is all a very essential part of the college experience.  While we are all here to get an education, I think that the little things like having someone to study with can truly make a difference in how willing someone is to go through four, five, six years to get that important education and I think everyone should be understanding of those who want that as well.

Blog #3

I'm glad to see that some people are taking interest in my blog! This excites me :) On a higher note from my last post, I would like to start this week off by talking about a new friend I made, and the positive way I've already seen them being effected by it.  We will call friend number two Ralph.  [I enjoy making up these names :)].  Ralph and I have sat next to each other in a class almost since the start of the semester, but did not exchange names and basic 'get to know you' questions until about the third week of school.  At first, we only spoke here and there in class and he spoke very softly and never really had much to say overall.  Last week I invited him to have lunch with me in our dining hall and he timidly accepted.  We ate and conversed and I introduced him to my friends.  Two days later when we had class again he asked if he could go to lunch with me again and I said, "Of course."  This time, though, we sat alone and met a few new people that I offered to come sit with us at our table and we all got to know each other.  When we left the dining hall that day he told me, "You make me meet too many new people!"  It made me laugh and smile and I told him that meeting people is good and he should want to make new friends.

This week I was sick and unable to go to class on Tuesday and I got a call from Ralph asking if he could come to my room.  I said he could and he did; when he got there he seemed like a completely different person!  He was talkative and happy and having conversations with my roommate, and making a point to tell me that he met a few new people at dinner over the weekend in the dining hall.  He seemed really excited to be meeting new people and it made me happy to see him breaking out of his shell.  When I first met him he had also told me that he and his roommate hardly ever spoke, and now he said they've been talking more often and getting along a lot better.  I'm not positive that it was solely my lunch invite that made him open up more and want to make new friends, but I do know that he seems like a much happier person now that he has.  He seems to be enjoying his college experience much more and I can honestly see how much more comfortable he is around people.  This gives me even more motivation to want to keep this blog going and to keep trying to meet new people.  I think everyone could really benefit from this just as my new friend "Ralph" has :)

Blog #2

So I think this is a better time than ever to mention the power and importance of first impressions!  Since my blog is on  meeting people and friendship during college, there's no better place to start than here.  When meeting a new person, it's always important to immediately present yourself as the person you want them to remember you as when you leave.  You want to be yourself, but you always want to make that self presentable and approachable.  I know it's a little tough at times because you may feel that, while in college, there's some sort of standard you have to meet or maybe you've just always been that super self-conscious person who doesn't feel that they are good enough.  You're not alone! No one here is alone at a campus with thousands of students from all over the country and world, so just be you no matter who that may be and I can guarantee AT LEAST one other person has a compatible personality and there is always an opportunity to make friends!
 On the flip side, there will, of course, be those people who don't share the same beliefs or interests and you need to be considerate of them.  For instance, if someone is showing you clear cut signs that they are uncomfortable with your conversation topic, change it.  As I had mentioned in my previous blog, I had set a goal of meeting at least one new person each week.  I had met a guy who we'll call John.  We talked for a little bit and eventually I asked him what he did over the weekend.  He responded with, "Got drunk with some friends."  He asked if I drank and I said that I didn't.  As the conversation progressed, the drunken night stories continued...and continued...and continued!  I make a huge effort not to judge people, but the entire time we were talking, he noticed that I seemed uninterested and somewhat disturbed by the stories.  That didn't stop him from continuing to share them with me.  I don't plan on making any sort of effort to see him again, not because he drinks, but because he came off as inconsiderate.  This is just an example of a way not to approach making friends in college, and I hope everyone learns from "John's" mistakes.

Blog #1

My inspiration for this blog primarily comes from eating at the residential dining halls here on campus at Cal State Long Beach.  From day one, every time I walk into one of the dining halls one of the first things to catch my eye, right after the menu of course, is the number of people I see enjoying their meals alone.  I understood more in the beginning of the year why the number of these people was so high, but now after finishing up week number four here at this school, the number has only slightly decreased.  Day after day people attend breakfast, lunch, or dinner alone and choose to sit at a big empty table by themselves.  Why?  Why not take that opportunity to make a new friend?  In the start of a new year, everyone is friendly and willing to meet new people, and I think that is a more better time than ever to walk up to someone and ask their name, major, what year they are, or where they're from, without risking it being awkward or weird.
I understand that this is not the easiest thing for some people and I also understand that not everyone is as open-minded to meeting new people as others.  In this blog I will be writing about not other people's experiences in making friends, but my own and how the difficulty of this changes over time, as well as the effects of new friends on old friends.  I will be detailing each event as I encounter it.  I will also have a goal of meeting at least one new person a week to help show how the process changes as the year goes on.
I think my blog will spread a new light on both those who are too shy to meet new people, as well as those who never gave the person sitting alone a second thought.  I hope it inspires everyone to have a new perspective on the importance of college social life and that you all find the results of my mini experiment interesting and entertaining :)